My parents were thrice married, once divorced, and once separated. I spent my early years studying them, worrying about them, feeling the temperature of the room, wondering about their well-being, and wondering how each felt about the other. I thought they would split when I left for college. Instead, they got closer. I came home at Christmas and found them cuddling on the couch.

I have been in a relationship over 30 years. It’s been really good and really painful, at times, for both of us. During certain seasons, it has felt impossible for us to continue on. We met with a couple’s counselor. It didn’t go great. We have leaned on certain friends for encouragement and counsel.

We have 5 really cool kids. We have disagreed about how to parent these 5 kids. They have disagreed about how they wanted us to parent them. We parented our younger kids very differently than we did our older kids. We learned. They learned. We, also, got tired.

We have made love three times. We are looking forward to a fourth time.

We ran a company together. We sold it because we did not want to run a company together.

We disagree on just about everything. I need time alone in the morning. She needs time alone at night. Still, we make each other laugh . . . and we are capable of having some very cool conversations. We give each other a wide birth relative to how we each spend our time. We, typically, go out on Saturday nights.

I spend 2500 hours a year in conversations with couples and individuals, talking about coupling. I feel empathy every time I sit with a couple. I see aspects of my parents in each couple. I see aspects of my relationship in each couple. I appreciate the novelty, unpredictability, and complexity in every one of these conversations. I stay curious. I am, often, inspired, as couples find their way back to each other. Some of these couples help me find my way back to my wife. Some of these couples choose to go separate directions. I am, often, touched when they can separate with dignity for themselves, the other, and their children.

In my role as a full-time graduate professor, for over 20 years, I have prepared graduate students to become counselors. Many of these students have asked hard questions, challenged me, and inspired me to be less sure, more curious . . . less safe, more courageous.

I, also, spend 300 hours a year training 30 graduate-level therapists to counsel couples and individuals. These therapists are so brilliant and creative that the lines between trainer and trainee are often blurred.

In short, I spend a lot of time thinking about . . . you and your Swim Buddy, and studying how to help you two get in the water and enjoy it for a really long time. After all, a Swim Buddy never leaves a Swim Buddy behind . . .

Warmly, Dr. Bruce